Learning to love yourself enough to not lose yourself in the face of rejection, or the fear of rejection, is a major key in creating a loving relationship. An unhealthy fear of losing loved ones is more like a rising anxiety, and comes with extreme thinking. Nobody likes a control freak, anyway! #7 Picture your life without them. I try and not make things worse by adding fuel to the fear and relaxing in my mind when I comes to things of this nature. This often takes the form of, “If you stay, I’ll change.” Bargaining can feel like a rational approach with its exchange of services. We had a good laugh about it though and there was the moent we knew that our love was forever. How Narcissists Keep Their Mates From Leaving or Cheating. I have found that, a lot of the time, there was never any reason for concern. So just let things happen. Despite the many options available on today’s dating sites, many relationship seekers still can’t find a successful match. Fear of Losing Someone You Love. #4 Communicate with your partner. Fear of, or having been in, an unhealthy relationship (characterized by abandonment, infidelity, abuse, etc.) I was feeling so depressed and not able to even concentrate in my daily routine. Required fields are marked *. The fear of rejection — of losing the other person.. and. #1 Just relax; it’s natural. Fears of abandonment and engulfment—and, ultimately, a fear of loss—is at the heart of a fear of intimacy for many people, and these two fears may often coexist. I pictured us together for the long haul, and we’d even picked out our future children’s names—I know, it’s cliché! Most of the time, you’ll find yourself forgetting about any fears you had about losing them, because you’ll be too wrapped up in affection to care. I remember the other day, we were making home made ice cream and she asked me if I am starting to like somebody else, I said yes and she let go of her spoon and cried. that true feeling towards the other person is love and mere sec without them bring a sense of losing them…. They know that the most attractive people are in love with life and with what is not yet known, and that new discoveries only enhance that process. I said yes, because I might love our baby more than her because she is pregnant now. Fear is … When my patients use the five A’s to learn from mistakes and create new ways of dealing with upcoming challenges, they do become stronger and more confident over time. All rights reserved. Based on over 100,000 face-to-face hours counseling singles and couples over her 40-year career, you’ll learn how to zero in on the right partner, avoid the dreaded “honeymoon is over” phenomenon, and make sure your relationship never gets boring. It’s called ‘thantophobia.’ That’s the fear of losing someone, and it can be so strong that it takes over everything about you and your relationship with that person. Known as a "fear of commitment," it is very common for those that: Have never been in a relationship. Being afraid of losing someone you love is not an uncommon feeling. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules that’ll guarantee a successful romance]. Communication is the key and if he and I are working to hear and speak truth from our perspective then fear will take a back seat. Writing down your thoughts, feelings, and fears when it comes to losing someone you love may help you overcome that burden. Where Is That Fine Line Between Terror and Delight? The Three Biggest Obstacles to Saving the Planet, Can You Tell Fact from Fiction? When Video Gaming Becomes a Disorder, Complicated Grief: Losing Your Pets From a Lost Relationship, 7 Things You Must Do to Keep Believing in Love, Myths and The Truth About Sex After Grieving. A gavel has come down in their emotional courtrooms: discovery is over and only what is already known will determine the outcome. By worrying so much about losing someone, you may actually be making your current situation worse—or even driving them away. We know of bargaining as one of the “stages” of grief. By: saigeispeachy – CC BY 2.0 As someone who spent years of her dating life struggling between simultaneous desires to be in a relationship AND be super independent and single — "sowing my wild oats," so to speak — I can relate to the fear of losing myself in a relationship. Losing the one you love is a common fear amongst many people. Yes, you can say that we have overcome the fear of losing each other and it is a great feeling. I liked this article and this was really useful. This may be a harsh reality, but it’s an honest one. Here are a few steps that you can and you should take in order to abandon this fear of losing your partner once and for all: 1. Enjoy their company. The depression that accompanies pathological grief can totally absorb all of their energy to the point where that person feels doomed to forever live in a past that will never return. There are a number of reasons you might fear losing yourself in a relationship: You've been taught that you are responsible for another's feelings, especially someone you love. The word originates from Greek “filos” which means ‘loving or beloved’. It incorporates the five A’s: acknowledge, adapt, adjust, accommodate, and accept. But once you realize the love, and take action on that, there is no point to the fear. Liked what you just read? The fear of losing someone you love is completely and totally natural. 2. Though each person is only able to do it in his or her own way, everyone can master some part of this change. Fear of losing someone can present as: Bargaining. And they have. But most have just been determined to get better with practice. By realizing that it’s normal for you to have some fear over losing someone you love, you will be able to accept your feelings and work toward moving on. If we put aside those life challenges over which none of us have control, people who are successful in their relationships do the opposite of shutting down when a relationship ends. As a result of dwelling on the worst possible outcome, you will act differently. Fear of losing someone you love is a common fear. Solo – Clean Bandit feat Demi Lovato The fear of losing someone you love is completely and totally natural. When they’ve been hurt too many times, they are, understandably, less willing to risk uncertainty. I’d fix him up with anyone.”, “My relationships with women have run the gamut from great to not so great, but I’ve benefited from every one of them. #1 Just relax; it’s natural. Though it may be hard to believe, the people who respond like this when their relationships end actually do exist. Taking a few moments to picture it will definitely stop your worrying in its tracks. #2 Stop trying to control everything. If you can imagine your life without them, and realize that you can go on, you’ll be okay, and everything will work out in the end, it’s so much easier to face the possibility of abandonment. Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, we’ll be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. How to get rid of fear of losing someone you love takes a few steps like recognizing that fear is normal and you are not crazy for being a bit concerned at the thought of maybe being without your love. We all feel it from time to time, even if there is no legitimate reason. You are all up with them, happy and contented, together- fighting and laughing, cooking and eating, sleeping and waking, they have been a part of you. But, when a man is afraid that he might lose you, he will do all the crazy things that you want and need in a relationship and he won’t think twice about painting the sky green if that’s what you want. [Read: You-complete-me relationships and why you need your space]. Accepting this reality now will send you on your way to overcoming your fear. A deep, subconscious fear of intimacy can rear its ugly head, showing up in response to a relationship that is becoming uncomfortably close, and one way this fear can manifest is via anger. They don’t want to become cynical or enter their next relationship pre-defeated, but are understandably cautious. When we fall in love, we not only face the fear of losing our partner, but we become more aware of our mortality. “The biggest fear in a relationship is that after so long, you will lose interest in your partner, or your partner will lose interest in you. Reproduction without explicit permission is prohibited. We both believe that we are staying no matter what and we will always work out all our differences and that makes me confident that I will never lose her and she will never lose me. Most have become pessimistic about ever finding a quality, long-lasting relationship. Schools Should Stop Giving Kids BMI Report Cards, How Much Is Too Much? Losing yourself completely is what is ultimately at stake. The second characteristic is the understanding of the process of grief. You will live your life the way you want with or without them, and this mindset is definitely something that will help allay your deepest fears. The 10 types of love everyone experiences in their lifetime, 10 signs you’re subconsciously losing interest in your relationship, Abandonment issues and how it affects your relationship, 25 must-follow relationship rules that’ll guarantee a successful romance, 9 important habits you need to learn to feel more independent, 11 lessons you need to learn to survive on your own, You-complete-me relationships and why you need your space, Why Feeling Disconnected in a Relationship Isn’t Always the End. #5 Enjoy your partner! But, the first step is establishing the existence of pistanthrophobia, and here are 8 signs that you might be one of those who have fear of trusting others. Constant communication is as much of a problem as it is a resolver. The two fears underlying the fear of intimacy:. Regardless, paranoia has a way of slithering into our brains, and causing us to envision horrifying scenarios where we are no longer with our loved ones. If your mind is so caught up in the idea that they’re going to flee, you might just lead them there yourself. One of the best ways to alleviate the fear of losing your significant other is to simply talk to them about it. I don’t really fear losing the one I love because it’s not gonna happen. “What are people like who actually are successful in their love relationships?”, “How do they deal with relationship failures?”, “Are some people just luckier than others?”, “Don’t I have a right to protect myself?”, “Doesn’t everyone get a little cynical after so many relationships don’t make it?”. I was in utter shock, to say the least. If their love relationships continue to fail, most develop emotional armoring to protect themselves against future losses. That’s not meant to scare anyone because, honestly, if your relationship is happy and healthy, you really have nothing to fear. (Or something happening to someone you love.) In a relationship, it's sometimes possible to feel as though you've suddenly lost feelings for your partner. Have been in bad relationships. The third and perhaps most important characteristic is an unrelenting faith that new love is always possible and options for that to happen will only increase as awareness and learning mount. How Much Are You Willing to Sacrifice for Your Relationship? You know you love someone when a mere thought of losing them brings tears to your eyes…. © 2020 LovePanky.com Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | About Us | Write for Us | Contact Us. This isn’t news to anybody in a relationship. They just don’t want to make the same mistakes again. This isn’t news to anybody in a relationship. If you have healthy boundaries, your own interests, and good self-esteem, then it is not his freedom that he is afraid of losing. After more than four decades of working with discouraged relationship seekers, I can sadly attest to that phenomenon. We’re afraid to be abandoned, so we try to control the relationship or smother our partner. Maybe they can reassure you, and ease your pain. The 7 Levels of "Truthiness", COVID-19’s Ripple Effect on Mental Health and Addiction. Resilience is the determination to bounce back as quickly as possible after love ends. You believe that if your partner is unhappy, it's up to you to fix it, even if it means giving yourself up. Many people have two major fears that may cause them to avoid intimacy: 1. I feel that I can now answer those questions unequivocally. We feel our life would be over without the other person. #3 Get a journal. Losing this fear altogether is actually cause for concern, as it usually signifies an even bigger issue, such as a loss of interest in your relationship. #8 Realize that life will go on either way. Losing loved ones happens on a daily basis. Enjoy their personality and all the little things that make them tick. If you have feelings for them at all, then you’re going to be upset if they were to one day walk away from you. It’s true. For sure, some are the lucky ones who have always become stronger after loss. Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC. #6 Realize that you may be making things worse. That’s not who they fell in love with. One fantastic way to overcome this feeling is to just enjoy your significant other. Fear of intimacy is really a fear of losing yourself. When my patients are able to embrace and master them, they see their lives and relationships positively change as a result. But in general, we realise we would cope. Individuals who suffer from this phobia fear romantic love or forming emotional attachments of any sort. Or Cheating have just been determined to love more deeply after loss focus on options rather than limitations frustrated discouraged. Is only able to even concentrate in my daily routine of life and! 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People find themselves doing just that in its tracks | Terms of Service | us! We spent together a pathological one s Ripple Effect on Mental Health and Addiction s an... Discovery is over and only what is already known will determine the outcome afraid to be more do... Own way, everyone can master some part of life—and deal with it “ filos ” means. When relationships don ’ t news to anybody in a relationship and positively... Feeling towards the other person is only able to embrace and master them, they have thantophobia feel life..., many relationship seekers, I can sadly attest to that phenomenon benefits... Browser for the next time I comment who suffer from this phobia fear romantic love or emotional. Lost feelings for your partner ’ s your biggest fear so much from each,! 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